So all my life has been impacted and influenced by music. I can remember being certain places when a specific song plays.
There are songs I directly relate to moments or clips of my life. I hear it and immediately return to that moment and how I felt. I can picture everything as if it was cut from my past and put here in the future, like a moving photo, with light, temperature and sound.
Some songs just evoke emotion and really play on specific emotions. Sometimes these songs amplify these emotions and this can be good and sometimes bad. Here’s what I mean. If someone has angered me, and I turn on heavy metal (like my choices of korn, tool, rob zombie, nin, etc) I become so much more than angry. I feel the anger fester. I feel it grow. It becomes more than a simple feeling. I feel it crawling and stretching.
I wonder if this is what others felt before bad things happen or is this just me. I mean there are tons of people who live heavy music. Do they have the same response? It reaches the dark corners inside and spreads. It’s like the opposite of light filtering in. Sometimes I feel more powerful, and I know this sounds silly and I know my size and weight couldn’t do a lot of damage but I am a smaller form of the beast in Split. I can’t climb walls, but I feel like my reason button broke. I know it would be hard to stop the response, especially if it became a physical response, to turn off to even turn it down.
Once or twice I have had to deal with this is a bad way. I have tried to ignore but it just sits and waits to catch me off guard. And then when that guard is let down, it sneaks out, and then it’s a bigger problem.
The reverse of this is when I hear music that feeds the wild side of me. I have know this for a long time and it can be really fun or very hard to control. For example, have a couple adult drinks and put on that hot dance song that has great base and makes even the most shy shake what the good Lord gave them. Milkshake is probably one of those top 10 for me. Yes silly but it’s the beat, the riff, the hook. They’ve all got me. I don’t know what it is, but man, I want to get down. I don’t care what others think or if they watch. And if they do watch, take a good hard look cause I ain’t stopping.
You’d think one song and I’m finished. Not even close. It’s like I mentioned before, a switch gets flipped on and it’s very difficult to turn on. It can be turned down but once it’s on, buckle up. I’m not sure if this is normal but it’s me and I’ve learned how to feed into it. I’ve leared distraction can also quell it for a short time. But sometimes you just roll with it.
If you’ve even been out with me you’ve seen it happen. One minute we’re having a beer or just talking and someone plays something on the jukebox and it all changes. My mood changes, the conversation changes, and it’s like who can tell what the rest of the night will be like. I cannot live without music.
Some of the best nights come from those with music. And because I know and try to control it I’ve taken up bagpiping. And now you ask what? Yes. I said bagpiping. It’s the only instrument that has been declare a weapon of war. True fact. It leads the charge and can make people act crazy. It’s loud enough to shut the loudest up, and as a 5 ft 4 girl, it gives me quite a presence in a crowded barroom. I love that I can’t turn it down. It turns that switch on inside of me and as I amp up the crowd. I can and have quieted the rowdiest of crowds from attop a bar with my pipes nestled close against my collarbone ready to go. And then we play with AC/DC and all is right in the world again.
Music is powerful. It evokes emotions. It makes people think and more importantly feel. It accompanies good and bad memeories. It frames your life and sculpts it. It makes you you. I feel bad for those who do not enjoy music or do not have this emotional response. I feel like you should get money back and I would be pissed if I were you.